Today I am testing the waters. I know this is anonymous, but can I handle writing about my addicted son? I have deliberately shied away from the topic, because it is so gut-wrenching for me. By the way, I am already crying. That didn't take long.
I have a darling son who is addicted to this crap, too. This kid loved trucks and knew the names of all the dinosaurs when he was tiny. He has a tender heart, and he has written me love notes on cut-out hearts when I've been sad.
Now his brain is sick and craves smut and lust. He's been in "treatment" for more than a year, ie I have been driving him at least weekly to and fro seeking help. I feel like a mother bird who is frantically flapping and making a ruckus while a predator is stealing a baby from her nest.
This addiction is a stickler, and I underestimated its power. Satan will do anything to ensnare these young men. Our media at home is pretty well locked down; however, a teenage lust addict can get a drink almost anywhere these days. Right now, he's getting it from women in real life, American Idol, billboards, a random novel he found on the shelf at the back of his Spanish class. It doesn't take much.
I have never been one to talk about hell or Satan or evil spirits. But, I swear the jaws of hell are gnashing to get this kid. This good kid, that now lies and hides and minimizes and acts out. Sometimes he wants more than anything to leave it behind and sometimes he doesn't. It breaks my heart.
Last summer I memorized D & C 122:5,7-part of 9. It was an attempt to fill my mind with hope.
If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea.....And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep and the billowing surge conspire against thee, if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up thy way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my daughter, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way."
This addiction is like the very jaws of hell. Somehow even this is to give him/me experience and to be for his/my good?
I love this kid, and I plan to keep on loving him. I also plan to "hold on my way", to work my own recovery, and to rely on God to show me what my way is.
Note: Does anyone know anyone out there that is blogging about mothering sex addicts? I haven't found anyone telling their stories about this. I would love any info anyone has about it.
As far as I know, none of my sons are dealing with this addiction. I am hoping they don't get sucked into the gaping jaws of hell and I am trying to teach them all I can, but they will come across it and will make a decision on there own.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is more prone to have the addiction, based on his personality and the fact that he has been exposed to it. He is still little, so I am not sure. It scares me!
Many of us with young sons may need your wise advice, so I appreciate you sharing your perspective as a mother of an addict.
I did have one lady in my support group whose son had the addiction, but she stopped coming.
If I hear of anyone, I will send them to your blog.
I know there are moms like me, but where are they?
DeleteYou are right that all our kids will have to make their own decisions. It is painful to allow others their agency when it involves something like porn.
Wildflower, where do you live?? I highly recommend getting your son involved with Maurice Harker if you live in the Davis County area in Utah. (seems most of the bloggers here are from all over) I'll say the same things I said to Harriet (wifeberedeemed), if you want to be apart of this, you have to have an open ear and no judgment. The moment you try to make him feel like crap or that he is a pervert sex addict...he'll cut you right off. I did that to my mom. I resented my mom for YEARS. I still struggle when she is all nice to me and i'm in my late 20's. There has GOT to be more open dialog on this. And put 'punishment' and 'shame' aside. Solutions are the only thing that matter. I was addict to masturbation before I know there was even a word for it. And you aren't going to 'control' the addiction by shutting down all technology. It certainly helps. But proper communication and education are the only things that will help in this. You are certainly right that a teenaged boy can get 'drink' wherever these days.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, Satan does want to destroy him. Sure. If i was Satan I would assign 10 of my finest devils to attack him night and day. I heard in conference recently (priesthood session?) that Satan has nothing on Christ nor the priesthood. I'll even contact your son. I'm no pro, but it helps me to connect with others. (in fact, if i don't...i'm grounds to lose). This doesn't get easier when you're older. Communication and education....
Nice to meet you, Warrior. Thanks for the encouragement. I agree that there needs to be more open dialogue about teen sex addiction. It is uncomfortable to talk about, and it does get pushed under the rug. I agree that becoming educated about the addiction is vital to understanding. Proper communication is also vital, but the average teen has trouble communicating, a teen addict has an even more difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI don't disclose where I live for the sake of privacy. Thanks for your suggestions, though.
I would love any other thoughts you have on teen addiction.
Your amazing to reach out and talk about this. It proves how strong you are. Nothing sinks deeper into a woman's heart than her children. Your son is so blessed to have you for his mother! Teens and addiction is a subject that needs to be addressed! Thank you for being brave enough to put it out there.
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