I did a little laugh-scoff under my breath. Pffffff. I squinted my eyes and thought, "So, if I just love life, it will love me back? So....that's what I need to do? Thank you, O wise Old Navy." I considered buying it to wear as a joke.
If only it were that simple.
The truth is: I could love life with all my heart and life may not love me back. By this I mean that I could embrace life with love and positive energy and hugs, and life may still bring me cancer, addiction, premature death, depression, chronically ill children, sexual abuse, herpes, bankruptcy, malaria, chronic fatigue syndrome, you name it.
Loving life sounds like a great idea. I'm on board with that in theory. What troubles me, however, is loving my own life.
Before I can love my life, I have to accept it. This includes accepting some radical new ideas. These are a few examples:
**I do not trust my husband, but I can still live with him if he is working recovery.
**My relatively straight path and my prayerful choices in life's big decisions have not spared me from excruciating heartache.
**Sex addiction, in some form, will be a part of my life forever.
**My job is to be in charge of myself and let others run their own lives.
Last fall I heard a woman, I'll call her Angelica :), a wife of an addict, who had been in recovery for years, share her story. She said a turning point in her recovery came when she knew that she was exactly where God wanted her to be. Now that sounds like acceptance. She accepted that God was in charge, and there was meaning to her suffering.
Months ago, when I heard her say this, I thought to myself, "There is NO way God wants me to be where I am. I am so miserable. I don't deserve this. My husband has screwed up my life."
But as time passes, and my faith grows, I find myself inching closer to that view. Am I exactly where God wants me to be? I don't feel that for certain.
I CAN say this though, "What I got is what I got, and I know God knows about it."
I'd like to see Old Navy print that on a t-shirt.
This post was so timely for me. In the past 24 hours I've been kinda low and been feeling pretty unhappy with my life and where I'm at. What you wrote spoke to that feeling so well. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that perspective and insight. It was exactly what I needed to start my day. I'd buy one of your T-shirts!
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