How A Dad and Mom In Recovery Are Being Better Parents Part 1

Over the past months, as my husband and I have simultaneously worked our recoveries from the effects of sexual addiction, some things in the Wildflower household have changed for the better.  Here are some ways recovery is helping our family:

1.  Mr.W has an unprecedented amount of energy.  What I thought was his natural energy level before recovery was only what he had left over after his addiction.  Since recovery, he has tackled home projects, some that have remained undone for years, and finished them.   He is downright proud of some of the things he's accomplished, and I am too, like tiling the bathroom floor.  I see my kids paying attention to his hard work.  

1. He is mentally present when he is home.  This means he is a part of the happenings.  Sounds obvious, but addicts withdraw from others and live in their own head.  My kids don't have to act poorly to get his attention, they still do sometimes, but they don't need to.  His head is in the game, if ya know what I mean?

2.  He holds the kids accountable with school work and jobs at home.  Every parent knows it is far easier to do a job yourself than to teach your kid to do it.  Pre-recovery I was often beaten down emotionally and exhausted physically. I was inconsistent when it came to my expectations for my kids' help around the house.  We can still do better, but my husband is now an actual partner with me when it comes to parenting.  

3.  He now values family time, so I don't feel like I am intruding on his "unwinding from work time" when I suggest something like family dinner.   And not only does he have the patience now to sit through dinner, he attempts to instigate meaningful conversation at the table.  

4.  We practice sharing feelings.  For several years, at the dinner table we've played a game called Good Thing/Bad Thing, in which we each tell a high and low point of our day.  Since recovery, in an attempt to practice sharing feelings, we now play Good Thing/Bad Thing/Vulnerable Thing.  In addition to a good and bad thing, we now relate a time during the day when we felt vulnerable.   It doesn't always go well.  Teenage boys aren't always able to be vulnerable, but it gives us as parents a chance to model expressing tough emotions.

5.  An addict in active addiction views the world around him as inherently hostile and the people in that world as enemies.  I don't feel like my husband's enemy anymore.  He often has to remind me, "Wildflower, remember I am on your side.  I'm not against you.  We're in this together."  I'm still not used to it, but I try to do my part and appreciate this new togetherness.

6.  There is more affection and love in our home.  

7.  Our family feels more stable and less stressed.  The definition of addiction is being out of control, and I feel more peace about finances and church responsibilities and bills and activities.  

8.  We have consciously simplified our lives by doing less in our community and focusing more on our marriage and family.  When things start feeling crazy, we think about what is really important and we try to do less.

Addiction recovery is changing our family for the better. Though there are still many negative repercussions of addiction present in our family, tonight I am celebrating the progress we've made!  






Happy holidays, dear friends.  Have hope.