Who Stole My Old Husband?

We got home from vacation today, and despite contracting my first cold sore EVER,  which has flabbergasted me with its immensity and has rendered the left side of my face unrecognizable,  I am celebrating one of our best family times ever.

I am wondering, who stole my old husband and replaced him with a new and improved, identical-looking one?

The new one stayed engaged with the family for an entire week (minus only 3 hours) on a very long road trip.  He didn't lose his temper or become exasperated when kids jumped all over the beds in the hotel and refused to go to sleep.  He instigated daily family car scripture reading as we drove.  And he spent the last hour on the road sharing with the kids the fascinating story of the audiobook he was listening to.  They were riveted.

Now that we are home, he is still going like an Energizer bunny helping our son get ready for camp tomorrow.   He was just seen sewing on a scout patch.   He volunteered to drive our son 2.5 hrs one way tomorrow, starting at 5 a.m.

This is NOT the way vacations and the pre/post vacation time have gone for us in the past.  A vacation  brought out the worst in him for several weeks prior.  Mr. W would become stressed about leaving work, which led to him working longer and longer hours and becoming increasingly detached from us.   Now I know that he was acting out in his addiction heavily during these times.   He was so grouchy, that I often thought, "I don't even want to go on a vacation with you."  There was tension and arguing.

On the first day of vacation, he would shift into trip mode and immediately want the fun to start.  He
would apologize and say, "I really want to have a good trip with you."  Right now.  Let the fun begin.

I would try to let the fun to begin, but it usually took me some time to recover from the detachment and disfunction we had been living.  I employed all kinds of codependent behaviors to sustain me.  The trip itself was usually good, although now I realize that he was often in his own head, away from us emotionally.

He always had a post-trip let down, sometimes it began as early as the drive home.  I remember several long drives home after a good vacation, when he didn't talk to me or the kids for hours.  "What had we done?" We all wondered.  Yesterday he was fine.   "What could we do to get the good feeling back?"  This caused much anxiety and uncertainty for the kids and me.  As they say in the business, it was crazy-making.

The next several days home were always uncertain, as he reentered work life.   When he came home from work, I tried to get a read on his mood before proceeding with the plans for the evening.  I blamed it all on his depression, and I employed even more codependent behaviors, such as rescuing and persecuting and crying and pouting, to restore balance to our lives.  It didn't work, but it was all I knew at the time.

In recent years, as his addiction was burning strong without my knowledge, vacations were more trouble than they were worth.   Which is why I want to kiss whomever abducted my old husband and replaced him with this new guy.

One big difference between my old husband and the new one is HE IS PRESENT.  He is happy to be where his body is.  He is content and peaceful just being, because he actually likes and respects himself.    I realized now how discontentedly and anxiously he lived his life.  This spilled over to me and the kids and created a tense environment.

On the trip, his contentment and peace spread out like an invisible blanket and covered our entire crazy family.  That has NEVER happened before, and I think a little bit of healing transpired.  Thank you, God, for sending us that miracle.

Today, I feel like we might make it after all.