This week marks eighteen months since my husband disclosed his addiction to me for the second time, after going underground with it for over 14 years.
I don't feel as if I have ARRIVED anywhere, but I am sure happy to be in a different place than I was eighteen months ago! Anywhere is better than where I was.
Just to keep me grounded, Mr.W had a slip last night. It wasn't about lust this time, rather he broke his own boundary and went to a place alone, that he had said he would only go to with other people. Several hours later, when he told me, he protested weakly that he needed to go there to take care of business for our family.
Nice try, but we both knew he was on shaky ground, and that there were many other options. Our counselor says there are always LOTS of options in every situation, but we need to learn to see them. Today he admitted how risky it was for him to be there alone, and he apologized.
Sobriety has lots of enemies, but Complacency seems to be dressed for battle and looming the largest at this moment in time. This week Mr.W learned that several of his SA friends had relapsed after more than a year of recovery. NO ONE wants to hear news like this. Every gal alive in my shoes knows that relapse is an everyday possibility.
In the past months I have learned many things. Here are a few that come to mind:
1. Sexual addiction is NOT to be underestimated. People in long-term recovery give up everything to stay there.
2. Sexual addiction recovery takes LOTS of time and effort.
3. Complacency is scary.
4. Joy is also very scary.
5. Life goes on in good times and bad.
6. People can survive unsurvivable losses
7. I can survive unsurvivable losses.
8. Brains can heal.
9. Hearts can be healed, but it takes time and effort and more time and effort.
9. God has not left me alone in this. He prepared a boatload of people to help me, all before I even knew what was happening in my life.
This was a great post, Wildflower. I saw a lot of recovery work in both of you.
ReplyDelete